When Times Get Tough, Read This Blog

The initial purpose of this post was to be a ranting kinda post - the whole get-grief-off-my-chest-type entry.
But instead, I'm not going to be so selfish.
I've come to realise that I can use this post for a better reason.
Read on, because even though I write this with a specific someone in mind, it still puts a message across to everyone I know and love.

I'm never good at expressing myself verbally.
Ok, sure, I can communicate on business levels, as in convey my point to others in formal situations, e.g. when on duty during a rather taxing situation with a casualty, or in an intense scenario. Or when in a class discussion at college. I assume you catch my drift (I hope you do, or else what I've just said is entirely contradictable).
But when it comes to expressing myself to the people who really matter in life - where to an extent the sense of love comes into play - I am rubbish.
I get tongue tied, I get confused and anxious over what it is I'm trying to say; I really am crap at getting across anything loving or caring by word of mouth. This is partly why I'm writing it down in this blog, because I personally think I'd be better at writing love letters or romantic poetry (or in this case, soppy blog entries) than vocally explaining to someone how I feel inside.
Anyway, tonight, I realised something which I need to get across to this person.
I tried in a phone call, and I think it was a bit of a disaster. Thank God they couldn't see me. I was pacing around in the dark and the rain, red faced and burning up, trying to get across that, contrary to their belief, they are actually one of the most amazing people I know.
I say this not out of being just plain nice, or because I feel it is my duty to say so because they're my friend; I say it because it's just true, plainly and simply put.
I respect them for everything they have ever dealt with. They are stronger and more courageous than they realise. To press on, even when moments seem at their lowest, most darkest points, and even when solutions to problems seem non-existent or miles out of their reach, they cling on to some faintest spark of faith and carry on. It takes a broad back and a strong soul to carry a burden far enough before they can off-load it. It's sheer strength of personality, that sometimes they believe they lack. But I stand back and admire the strength that comes from inside them, and wonder where they hide it all! When I first met this person, they were so quiet and withdrawn, I wondered if there was any confidence in there. But there is - bucket loads - and when adversity shows in their life, they struggle on, despite how low they can end up feeling. It's just so admirable; they kinda symbolise all that it means to just carry on and fight for a decent life.
I also know that when times are lighter and life gives us things to laugh about, I can walk down the street with this person and have the best laugh ever. We can laugh about anything, even each other (best mates wouldn't be best mates if they couldn't insult each other every now and then!) We can share the same sense of humour, and tell the same jokes again and again and still find them amusing (ambo ambo!) We can find things to do even when days seem boring and slow. Together we can have such a good time, just being mates and sharing each others' company. At these times, I stand back and think about it, and realise that there are few other people who can share the same moments with me as this person can. We can be scarily like-minded some days, and couldn't be more differently opinionated the next! But what more could you expect fae a good friendship?
Then there are the times when I feel down and out. I like to remain a closed book, and hide the things that bother me. I'll only rant if something or someone really pisses me off. If anyone asks whether I'm alright or not, I'll usually answer with a positive, even when down inside something is digging at me. However such a guise never fools this friend of mine. They'll know almost straight away when something is getting to me, and will constantly persist in finding out what is wrong, claiming that "they know something's up!" Half the time they wont stop nagging until I threaten to snap at them. And even then I usually end up telling them eventually. So somehow, amongst everything else, this person finds the time to listen to my problems too. I try not to burden others with my moans and groans, but with this person I know that when life gets a bit too tough to take, I can at least let out some steam with them. I appreciate this so, so much, because even folk who seem constantly happy-clappy like me need time to bitch or find a shoulder to cry on. Even when it's something relationship related, I can rely on this person for total support, although sometimes I wonder if they get fed up with me for always going on about the wrong kinda people to have a crush on!
This person is just so special. They will say other wise, on many occassions, and I suppose there's no way to fully enforce the fact that what they think is a tad different to what everyone around them thinks. There's no pursuading them to think other wise, because they can be damned stubborn too!! But believe me, I wouldn't change them for the whole bloody world.
For a while I felt a little be separated fae the folk I used to hang around with. Of course, they're all still dear friends, but just for a while, when I left school, I wondered if things would change between us. Then I got to know this amazing person, and in a way, my life changed. They've helped me a lot by always being there, for a laugh as well as a cry, for a rant as well as a gossip. Without them I think I'd be very, very lost. They know fine I'm a total scatter-brain sometimes, and I need them to remind me of things, especially when it comes to first aid!
Which brings me on to another point. I don't care what they say - they are kick ass at first aid! Honest to God, there are days on duty when I'll stand back and think "I wish I knew what they know; I wish I'd done half the stuff they've done. I wish I had the knack of treating casualties the way they do too, cos then I'd be as good a first aider as them!"
I also think that (and this is really big coming fae me) if there were to be a paramedic chosen out of the two of us, they'd be the better medic any day. I can't believe I just pushed my pride to one side and said that, but I really mean it, else I wouldn't have said it!
But as I was rightly reminded, life isn't all about first aid. There's more to it than just the odd highly obsessive hobby.
My point is though, that at the end of it all, I honestly can't think of anyone better to call a friend.
With them I can be myself (be called a nutter, a lot) and still they won't care whether I act like a total loony or nae.
I don't lie when I say I'd be lost without them. They're more loved than they sometimes realise, and I just want them to know that (and I mean this on a strictly friendship basis, for those people out there who insist on thinking other wise) I will love them despite their negatives, despite their bad habits, despite their mood swings and crabby days. I will love them for being who they are, and I would never change them - nor ask them to change - for the whole world and everything in it.
This may seem like the most over the top blog post ever written, but every word typed on here is the truth. I love this person, because they are the heart and soul of a lot of things in life, whether they like to agree with this fact or not.

Don't ever change who you are or what you do, and don't you ever give up, because no matter how low down life sinks to, you'll always have someone there to help you get back up again.