You know you've been...

This is a post I found on Bebo, and which I promptly put on mine. Now I've decided to transfer it to here, because some of the points said actually amuse me and I'd like to keep a note of it on the blog. Although I'll admit there are parts of it which I don't quite get...

You know you have been in the Red Cross for too long when...
· You've put more into the training night tea kitty than you have into your pension.
· You no longer watch sporting events to see the scores but to see how the medical crews handle the accidents.
· You refer to motorcyclists as "organ donors".
· Your Hi-Viz is no longer Day-Glo yellow but faded in the sun to dishwater white.
· You stop looking at clothing for fashion, and look at it for function and durability.
· Reflective clothing patches become a searched-for fashion plus.
· Your Christmas wish list only includes items from Britcross, SP and Laerdal catalogues.
· You have a pet name for your defib.
· Your spouse/partner has his/her hands on you but it's to practice body checks, not passion.
· Matters of the heart refer to CPR and not romance.
· You put your shoes on as soon as your home phone rings.
· You refer to "Blues & Twos", "999" and "Casualty" as "educational television".
· Your greatest fear in life involves a pregnant woman shouting; "IT'S COMING!"

You know you have been on duty for too long when...
· You're unable to eat because everytime you grab lunch several casualties come along at once.
· You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "it's really quiet".
· Your idea of a great meal is one that's warm.
· You've been thinking up ways to convert a wheelchair into a dune buggy.
· You get very, very scared when a child is "too" quiet.
· You are convinced that the amount of complaining by a patient is inversely proportional to how sick they are.
· You've ever said (to anyone) "so, did you find the finger?"
· You've ever wanted to put a notice in the First Aid post saying: "If you are moody, irritable or just plain rude, there will be a £10 surcharge for putting up with you".
· You automatically multiply by two the answer to the question "how many drinks did you have today?"
· You automatically multiply by three the answer to the question "how many cigarettes did you have today?"
· Your own dog won't let you into the family house because it no longer recognises you.
· You won't let your own dog into the family house because you no longer recognise it.
· You are the only one at the dinner table NOT allowed to talk about your day.
· Your greatest fear in life still involves a pregnant woman shouting, "IT'S COMING!"

You know you have been in Ambulance Aid for too long when...
· You park backwards on your driveway ready for a "rapid emergency response".
· You don't drink because you "are always on call".
· Your car is red.
· Your car is white.
· Your car is red and white.
· Your car is red and white with reflective stripes.
· You wash an ambulance every weekend but haven't washed your car for years.
· Your car's expired parking permit is covered with a Geneva cross.
· Your car's expired Road Tax is covered with a "Star of Life".
· It's not a car it's an "emergency incident response vehicle".
· Your car has multiple radio aerials (bonus points for more antennas than a Russian trawler)
· You talk more on the radio than a DJ does.
· You correct Control over the air on how to dispatch units.
· Your personal kit is bigger than the one on the ambulance.
· You carry a stethoscope on your car's rear view mirror.
· You even have personalised road cones.
· You have more on your belt than you do in your snatch-pack.
· You use a 5-cell Maglite to check pupil response.
· You've ever thought, "as long as he's got a pulse, I won't worry about that rhythm."
· Your greatest fear in life still involves a pregnant woman shouting; "IT'S COMING!"

You know your qualifications have expired when...
· The certificate arrives in the post.
· The "new" First Aid Manual is so big that it published on microfiche and CD-ROM.